Trials.

Yes trials. And we've been going through one. Well, to be quite honest, it seems like our life is one, long, continuous trial.

The last couple of weeks have been brutal. Our hearts have been hurt. Our trust in other people has been shaken. In total bewilderment of life and people, we have had to cling to each other and to Jesus.  I have done a lot of crying. (Pregnancy hormones never help in difficult circumstances.) There have been very few times in my life where I have felt the anger and frustration that I have over the last couple of weeks. Though I felt my feelings were completely justified, they were taking me to a place that wasn't good. We may have been wronged, but continued anger was surely going to lead me into depression, unforgiveness, and bitterness. I needed to be slapped out of the trance that I was in... if you know what I mean.

"From the Jews five times I received forty stripes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep; in journeys often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils of my own countrymen, in perils of the Gentiles, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; in weariness and toil, in sleeplessness often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness-"
2 Corinthians 11:24-27

I read this verse for the bazillionth time and my first thought was, "Holy smokes... who am I to complain." I immediately found that I was condemning myself for feeling so "woe is me" about my life. But that's not what the Lord wanted either. You see, the Lord cares for us. He cares about everything we go through... The easy, the difficult, and everything in between. He is so mindful of us... always watching us, praying for us, wanting to have close fellowship with us. "How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;..." Psalm 139:17-18. I mean, for crying out loud, He died for us. What greater evidence of His love for US is there? There isn't. This truth has brought so much comfort to my life.

My second thought was, "If Paul can do it, so can I!" I was encouraged! God was with that man. He was the One who enabled him; He was his strength in weakness. We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. God is with us.... we can do this.

After all of my further ponderings, this is what it came back to for me... Why do I live? Whom do I live for? What is my purpose? Bottom line: It's all about Jesus. I live to bring glory to name of Jesus Christ and I live for Him alone... that is my purpose.

"Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you;" 1 Peter 4:12. I know we've all heard the preaching on this verse over and over... But something new occurred to me this time: I wonder if he's asking this question because he's puzzled by our puzzlement. After all, isn't this what we originally asked for? When you first accepted Christ, what did that signify? What did you ask for? What did you tell Jesus? Our acceptance of Jesus into our lives, was the dying of our selves. Our acceptance of Jesus was telling Him that He had full reign in and over our life. It meant that we would do whatever He asked of us, go wherever He wanted us to go... It meant being obedient to Him no matter what the cost to us. It meant that He would be glorified. This is what we asked for. Don't ever forget that.

"But none of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself; so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God."
Acts 20:24

I think this is my favorite verse. This is it for me. This is what I want... This is what I want my heart to be like. If the last 2 weeks of my life and what we've gone through has brought glory to the name of Jesus, then praise Him! And I ask for another 2 weeks just like the last 2 if it means that I grow in my walk with Him and that He is magnified.

And I pray the same for you who are my brother or sister in Christ... I pray that God would use you, no matter what the cost. I pray it because He is a good God, because He loves you, desires GREAT things for you, and wants to use you to do glorious works in His name.

So hold fast my friends. Stand firm. Trust Him. Cling to Him. For He is truly your All in All.